Are You Traumatized by Invalidation?
Written by Cindy Bekkedam RD, RP (Qualifying)
Have you ever felt like your emotions were dismissed, your experiences minimized, or your identity rejected? If so, you may have experienced a form of invalidation trauma, a profound and often misunderstood form of emotional injury.
To those who have survived childhood trauma or relational trauma, this message is especially for you. The pain you've endured is real, and the invalidation you've experienced has likely left deep emotional wounding. In addition to this, the pain that you’ve endured may be further invalidated by those around you.
I’m so sorry if you’ve been misunderstood for so long. My hope is to open up this topic in a way that can extend itself to many experiences of oppression, marginalization and invalidation - something that is far too common yet all too insidious.
Do I even exist? Am I real?
Invalidation trauma occurs when our painful experiences are consistently disregarded or belittled by others, particularly those we trust or depend on. It's the crushing weight of being told "You're overreacting," "It wasn't that bad," "You’re imagining things," or "Just get over it." These seemingly innocuous phrases can accumulate over time, eroding our sense of self and reality.
For many survivors, the journey to healing begins with recognizing the impact of this invalidation. It's about reclaiming your truth and honouring your emotional reality.
My intent is to shed light on the nature of invalidation trauma, its far-reaching effects, and most importantly, to validate your experiences.
As we explore this topic, remember: Your feelings are real. Your experiences matter. Your pain is valid.
Signs You May Be Impacted By Invalidation Trauma:
The impacts of this type of trauma are as diverse as the individuals who experience it, affecting our thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and relationships in complex and sometimes subtle ways.
As you read through this list, remember that invalidation trauma doesn't present the same way for everyone. You might strongly relate to some points while others may not resonate at all. That's perfectly normal. The effects of invalidation can be far-reaching and may show up differently at various stages of life or in different contexts.
This list is not meant to diagnose but to provide insight and validation. If you find yourself nodding along to several of these points, it might indicate that you've experienced invalidation trauma. Remember, recognizing these signs is an important first step towards understanding and healing.
As you explore this list, be gentle with yourself. Each item represents a potential coping mechanism or response to past invalidation. They're not character flaws, but rather adaptations your mind and body developed to protect you. With awareness and support, it's possible to work through these challenges and reclaim your sense of self-worth and emotional authenticity.
Chronic self-doubt and difficulty trusting your own perceptions
Tendency to apologize excessively, even for things that aren't your fault
Difficulty identifying or expressing your own emotions
Constantly seeking validation or approval from others
Fear of speaking up or sharing your opinions
Feeling like an impostor in your personal or professional life
Intense fear of rejection or abandonment
Perfectionism or setting unrealistically high standards for yourself
People-pleasing behaviours at the expense of your own needs
Difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries
Frequent feelings of shame or unworthiness
Struggling to make decisions without input from others
Minimizing your own accomplishments or positive qualities
Hypersensitivity to criticism, even when it's constructive
Difficulty accepting compliments or positive feedback
Feeling invisible or unimportant in social situations
Tendency to invalidate your own feelings or experiences
Chronic feelings of emptiness or lack of identity
Difficulty forming or maintaining close relationships
Intense emotional reactions that seem disproportionate to the situation
Persistent negative self-talk or inner critic
Avoidance of conflict or confrontation at all costs
Difficulty trusting others or opening up emotionally
Feeling like you're constantly walking on eggshells
Experiencing frequent anxiety or panic attacks
Whether or not your experience of trauma is rooted in invalidation, experiencing any of these signs can be worthwhile exploring with a therapist. Invalidation trauma can be especially sneaky. If we have internalized the invalidation, we may have unconsciously learned to further invalidate reality, our emotions and the pain associated with our experiences.
Invalidation Trauma
1. Definition of Invalidation
Invalidation refers to the act of dismissing or rejecting someone's feelings, experiences, or identity. It occurs when individuals are told that their emotions are insignificant, exaggerated, or entirely false, leading them to question the legitimacy of their own experiences.
2. Emotional Impact
If your painful experiences are repeatedly invalidated, especially if this happened in a relationship with someone you depended or trust, it can significantly impact a person, causing emotional distress and eroding your sense of self-worth. It may manifests through a complex web of negative emotions, including shame, confusion, and isolation.
As this trauma repeats itself, you are likely to feel unheard, unimportant, and disconnected from others. This emotional distance fosters a deep sense of worthlessness and confusion, and you may struggle to trust their own feelings, instincts and memories. The gap between your self-perception and the perceptions imposed by others can creating a persistent state of inner conflict and self-doubt.
that can have long-lasting consequences on an individual's emotional well-being and interpersonal relationships.
3. Long-term Consequences
Over time, prolonged exposure to invalidation can lead to very real mental health challenges, including anxiety, social anxiety, depression, PTSD / C-PTSD, and may be connected to conditions like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Those who regularly face invalidation may struggle to develop healthy emotional expressions and relationships, perpetuating a cycle of mental health challenges.
4. Trauma of Disconnection
If you’ve experienced repeated invalidation this is likely further compound by a sense of a sense of disconnection that you may feel, both from yourself and from others. You may feel as though your emotional reality is unrecognized but also undermined, which can foster deep-seated feelings of shame and self-doubt.
This disconnection prevents meaningful connections with others, intensifying feelings of loneliness and abandonment. It can even lead a person to invalidate themselves (self-doubt, self-gaslighting).
5. Necessity of Validation
Every human being requires a degree of validation. It serves a fundamental human need of feeling a sense of acceptance and belonging. Children require the mirroring and the validation of their emotional realities by their caregivers. This allows them to build a positive self-image, self-trust, self-acceptance and internal belonging.
If you’ve experienced repeated invalidation trauma, you may have missed out on this opportunity to gain the nurturing that you needed to strengthen these parts of yourself. Instead, you may have internalized the belief that your emotions are incorrect or unworthy, making validation from external sources feel essential.
I can affirm the truth that validation from external sources feels essential for you.
AND, it might be quite different from what you've come to believe or expect.
6. The Power of Witnessed Truth
The journey towards emotional recovery often requires that you cultivate self-validation, in the presence of a empathic and understanding person, such as a very special friend or family member, a therapist or a spiritual counsellor. It does not require that you collect apologies or validation from everyone who invalidated you.
When someone you trust compassionately acknowledges your experiences, it can be a transformative moment in your healing journey. This act of bearing witness to your truth creates a safe space for you to begin recognizing and integrating your emotional reality.
As you're validated by another, you start to internalize that your feelings and experiences are legitimate, regardless of how others may have perceived or dismissed them in the past. This external validation can serve as a catalyst, empowering you to trust your own perceptions and honour your emotional truth, even in the face of past invalidation.
It's a crucial step towards reclaiming your narrative and building a stronger, more authentic sense of self.
If you sense that you’ve been chronically invalidated and that it has impacted you, it may be worth reaching out to a mental health professional to explore this experience and gain insight into how you may be impacted. The healing journey begins with permission to get curious. If you need a permission slip, here it is.
If you are looking for a Virtual Registered Psychotherapist in Ontario, please check out my services and reach out if you would like to explore this further via a free 15 minute discovery call.
